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#79708 - Sun Feb 27 2005 04:08 PM Re: If I had $555,000 to blow.... [Re: Ultimate Jaburg53]
Frank Burns
Offline 13094 + posts

Registered: Fri Aug 20 2004
Posts: 13291

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.

Remember men, we're fighting for this woman's honour; which is probably more
than she ever did.


Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.
Groucho Marx

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#1108915 - Fri Feb 26 2010 11:05 PM Re: If I had $555,000 to blow.... [Re: Frank Burns]
Frank Burns
Offline 13094 + posts

Registered: Fri Aug 20 2004
Posts: 13291
725
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#1108960 - Fri Feb 26 2010 11:49 PM Re: If I had $555,000 to blow.... [Re: Frank Burns]
Frank Burns
Offline 13094 + posts

Registered: Fri Aug 20 2004
Posts: 13291
Dare To Be Stupid
Weird Al Yankovic


Put down that chainsaw and listen to me
It's time for us to join in the fight
It's time to let your babies grow up to be cowboys
It's time to let the bedbugs bite

You better put all your eggs in one basket
You better count your chickens before they hatch
You better sell some wine before it's time
You better find yourself an itch to scratch

You better squeeze all the Charmin you can while Mr. Wipple's not around
Stick your head in the microwave and get yourself a tan

Talk with your mouth full
Bite the hand that feeds you
Bite off more than you can chew
What can you do
Dare to be stupid

Take some wooden nickles
Look for Mr. Goodbar
Get your mojo working now
I'll show you how
You can dare to be stupid

You can turn the other cheek
You can just give up the ship
You can eat a bunch of sushi then forget to leave a tip

Dare to be stupid
Come on and dare to be stupid
It's so easy to do
Dare to be stupid
We're all waiting for you
Let's go

It's time to make a mountain out of a molehill
So can I have a volunteer
There's no more time for crying over spilled milk
Now it's time for crying in your beer

Settle down, raise a family, join the PTA
Buy some sensible shoes and a Chevrolet
And party 'till you're broke and they drag you away
It's OK, you can dare to be stupid

It's like spitting on a fish
It's like barking up a tree
It's like I said you gotta buy one if you wanna get one free

Dare to be stupid (yes)
Why don't you dare to be stupid
It's so easy to do
Dare to be stupid
We're all waiting for you
Dare to be stupid

Burn your candle at both ends
Look a gift horse in the mouth
Mashed potatos can be your friends

You can be a coffee achiever
You can sit around the house and watch Leave It To Beaver
The future's up to you
So what you gonna do

Dare to be stupid
Dare to be stupid
What did I say
Dare to be stupid
Tell me, what did I say
Dare to be stupid
It's alright
Dare to be stupid
We can be stupid all night
Dare to be stupid
Come on, join the crowd
Dare to be stupid
Shout it out loud
Dare to be stupid
I can't hear you
Dare to be stupid
OK, I can hear you now
Dare to be stupid
Let's go, Dare to be stupid
Dare to be stupid
Dare to be stupid....
(fadeout)

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#1109821 - Fri Mar 05 2010 11:18 PM Re: If I had $555,000 to blow.... [Re: Frank Burns]
Frank Burns
Offline 13094 + posts

Registered: Fri Aug 20 2004
Posts: 13291
145) Twist your wick then stick that prick
146) Cover old Bart then dart her tart

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#1109822 - Fri Mar 05 2010 11:19 PM Re: If I had $555,000 to blow.... [Re: Frank Burns]
Frank Burns
Offline 13094 + posts

Registered: Fri Aug 20 2004
Posts: 13291
143) Corral your ram then slice her ham
144) Sheath your sliver then jab her liver

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#1110619 - Fri Mar 12 2010 11:33 PM Re: If I had $555,000 to blow.... [Re: Frank Burns]
Frank Burns
Offline 13094 + posts

Registered: Fri Aug 20 2004
Posts: 13291
THE JEWISH SAMURAI
 
Once upon a time a powerful Emperor of the Rising Sun advertised for a new Chief Samurai. After a year, only three applied for the job: a Japanese, a Chinese and a Jewish Samurai.
 
"Demonstrate your skills!" commanded the Emperor.
 
The Japanese samurai stepped forward, opened a tiny box and released a fly. He drew his samurai sword and *Swish!* the fly fell to the floor, neatly divided in two!
 
"What a feat!? said the Emperor. "Number Two Samurai, show me what you do."
 
The Chinese samurai smiled confidently, stepped forward and opened a tiny box, releasing a fly. He drew his samurai sword and * Swish! * Swish! * The fly fell to the floor neatly quartered.
 
"That is skill!" nodded the Emperor. "How are you going to top that, Number three Samurai?"
 
Number Three Samurai, Obi-wan Cohen, stepped forward, opened a tiny box releasing one fly, drew his samurai sword and *Swoooooosh! * flourished his sword so mightily that a gust of wind blew through the room. But the fly was still buzzing around!
 
In disappointment, the Emperor said, "What kind of skill is that? The fly isn't even dead."
 
"Dead, schmead," replied the Jewish Samurai. "Dead is easy. Circumcision... THAT takes skill!"

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#1110643 - Fri Mar 12 2010 11:54 PM Re: If I had $555,000 to blow.... [Re: Frank Burns]
Frank Burns
Offline 13094 + posts

Registered: Fri Aug 20 2004
Posts: 13291
763
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#1111364 - Sat Mar 20 2010 02:52 AM Re: If I had $555,000 to blow.... [Re: Frank Burns]
Frank Burns
Offline 13094 + posts

Registered: Fri Aug 20 2004
Posts: 13291
256 - Hijack - Herbie Mann - Vinyl

257 - Celebration - Kool And The Gang

258 - Perfect Love Affair - Constellation Orchestra

259 - Saturday Night, Sunday Morning - Thelma Houston

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#1111383 - Sat Mar 20 2010 03:18 AM Re: If I had $555,000 to blow.... [Re: Frank Burns]
Frank Burns
Offline 13094 + posts

Registered: Fri Aug 20 2004
Posts: 13291
60 - Spring Affair - Donna Summer

61 - I'm Ready - Kano

62 - Lay All Your Love On Me (Disconet remix) - Abba

63 - We Are Family - Sister Sledge

64 - Hit N' Run Lover - Carol Jiani

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